Change and The gifts It Brings

Isn't it funny how much we change as we age? This weekend I spent a couple of hours looking through some old pictures with my stepmom Aleatha. Wow!

I went from this (left side with the hat)

To This (blondie with a brown dress)

I went from an only child to having 4 siblings, 4 parents, and a basically crazy family. My favorite food was macaroni, now its cajun chicken pasta (they're both noodles so I guess I haven't changed too much). My favorite singer was Aaron Carter but now its Tenth Avenue North and Panic! 

My goals looked a bit like:

To something a bit more like this:



 Yep, it's crazy how we change, and how fast time flies. I'll be 18 next June. In fact, I'm graduating high school on my birthday! I love being able to look back and see how far I've come from the little 5-year girl asking Jesus to give her a pretty mansion-duplex for her and her best friend, to the teenager who is trying to go to high-school, college, find a job, and find scholarships so that I can end up doing his will for my life in another country. I'm one of those people who says they don't like change, but I like who God is turning me into.I am excited to travel the winding path that is sure to have bumps and forks in it. God has brought some amazing people and oppurtunities into my life with some of those bumps, and I can't wait to see who I will be and what I've accomplished after the journey is coming to an end.

Between a (Very Big) Rock And a (Difficult, Scary) Hard Place

I can't sleep, so I'll write whats on my mind right now. It's basically me pouring out my sob-story so don't feel obligated to read this. I just wanna let the emotions out. It's pretty hard to convey through writing what has been going on in my life lately. But about a month ago, my mom and I got in a fight because she said something awful about my stepmom and I tried to give my opinion for the first time. This led to me being yelled at for an hour. I was unable to look away cuz I "was rolling my eyes". After the argument, she didn't come to talk to me, or  say good-night. She sent my stepsister to tell me to scoop the litterbox. I don't handle confrontation well, and chose to leave the tension. So now I've been staying at my dad's for nearly a month. I don't like people to see me cry. At all. The other day a leader at my church gave me her opinion, but noone there understands the way everything has gone my whole life. They weren't there for the whole ordeal. They just see a parent and a child. They say I'm the child so I should break the silence and be respectful. My reply was "but she's the mom". We have only talked on the phone 3 times and text ever so often. She should want to talk to me. My dad called her without my knowing, and she didn't want to have a meeting with me and all of my parents, so to me that was her final decision. Now I know that this should be what's getting upset, but it's anticipating Christmas/everything without my little brother Elijah. This Christmas, I'm so broke that I can't afford Christmas presents so I'm going to try to hand-make them. Tonight I started planning Elijah's gift, and I began imagining what I would write in his Christmas card. The main sentence that flashes through my mind is "don't forget me".

Genesis

        Oh yeah, look at that biblical reference in the title! You likely know that Genesis means "the origin or formation of something" and my first post is lacking in the pizzaz department. Well, I guess this is just gonna explain why I'm blogging. My stepmom has told me that I would love it, and in a sense it can be my online diary that you actually have permission to read. I'm a senior this year and now I get the fun job of deciding what's next. I know where I want to be in the long-run (a missionary if you didn't know) but getting there may be a bit more difficult than I thought. I also have a very large family, tons of great friends, and school to think about. And of course we can't forget the relationship with my Savior that I so often take for granted. Needless to say, I am busy! I just started a devotion series on Ruth last night, but tonight I figured I would just pray and think about what I already know about her (day 2 and I am already being lazy...sad). Well I began writing some facts down, and one of them was that she basically left everything and everyone she had to follow her mother-in-law to serve her. This immediately got me thinking about the disciples, and the verse about  becoming a fisher of men, Matthew 4:19. "And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men."

  (I know it's a pretty dumb pic, but the dudes are cute and take things too literal like me, plus this post needed some life)

          The verse hit home for two reasons. 1)He said follow. Dictionary.com had a graet definition of follow, "to accept as a guide or teacher; to imitate or copy;and to actively pursue". So who am I copying? 9 times out of 10 it's not God. Who is my leader?All too often I try to walk blindly with no leadership. I need to take action and pursue the purpose-filled life that God has in store for me. Christianity isn't a spectator's sport. And 2) he said "fishers of men". The disciples were just fishers. They spent all day messing with smelly, scaly fish. Gross! Jesus had a greater purpose for them, because clearly, people are much nicer to be around than fish! Fish can swim, but man is drowning in their sins. God has a purpose in our lives if we are willing to drop our nets (burdens, temptations, and distractions) and let him use us. I found this soooo encouraging, God can use me! Well, I guess I'm done preaching for the night now .